


Emotions? I feel . . .

by candiedshekelzzz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa Another 2, sdra2 - Fandom
Genre: #okay srsly what should i tag this, Alexithymia, Emotional Hurt, Gen, anyway i am still salty over linuj's writing so i said, fine. ill do it by myself, idk emotions are hard, mentioned abandonment, vent??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candiedshekelzzz/pseuds/candiedshekelzzz
Summary: also uh warning for mentioned abandonment and internalized ableism??? wrote this when i was having a moment ahah (aka i was having an emotional crisis abt my alexithymia), and guess who else has alexithymia????
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	Emotions? I feel . . .

**Author's Note:**

> also uh warning for mentioned abandonment and internalized ableism??? wrote this when i was having a moment ahah (aka i was having an emotional crisis abt my alexithymia), and guess who else has alexithymia????

_Tak tak tak tak tak._

The tap of the knife resonated in the small kitchen, where Kokoro stood by the counter swiftly cutting onion cloves. No other people, no other sounds. Just the droning of a knife against wood.

It always piqued her curiosity, how silence gave people the space to evaluate themselves. When doing such a mundane task as cutting vegetables can allow people to think about their life. Their fears, anxieties, hopes, she could see them all.

_Tak tak tak tak._

Sometimes she wondered what could've been if she didn't decide to become a psychologist. If her biological parents didn't give up on her and toss her aside. She remembered they would always try to get her to open up. " _Can't you just tell me how you feel? It's a simple question, come on!"_ But it wasn't simple. It never has been. It's all just questions and speculation.

_Tak tak tak._

She wondered what she did to deserve this. To have this burden forever engraved with her. Did fate decide that this young girl would be destined to turn out cruel and uncaring?

 _Why can't you just be normal?_ A question with no satisfactory answer. She just didn't know. That was the response she would always give, much to the disappointment of everyone. Why couldn't she be like all the other kids? Why wasn't she allowed to not freeze every time she was asked how she was or called out for seemingly not caring about anything.

 _Did_ she care? That was one of the hardest part of it all. What emotions were she **supposed** to feel? Having to constantly walk over eggshells when even trying to connect with someone was so exhausting, and she was so tired . . .

_Tak . . . tak . . ._

She didn't even notice she was crying. The warm tears drenched her pale eyes, falling down her cheeks like raindrops. When was the last time she cried like this? Normally she would be able to control outbursts like this, but they just refused to stop. Letting her hands relax, she let the tears fall.

 _It's just the onions . . ._ She wanted to believe that, just like how she managed to convinced everyone that she didn't care that her parents left her. That she wasn't bothered by how her hard emotions were to navigate. That she didn't—

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice asked from beside her.

Kokoro tried not to flinch before turning towards the concerned figure. "Yes, I am fine. It's just the onions, don't worry." _Make sure to smile_.

"A-Are you sure? If you aren't feeling well I can—"

"I am just fine," said Kokoro, her voice firm. She turned back to her work, averting her gaze. "I appreciate your concern, but as I said, there's no need to worry."

"O-Okay, if you insist . . ." The figure strode out of the kitchen, catching one last glance at the crying psychologist as she resumed her chopping.

People always assumed she was physically incapable of feeling anything. But she did. She felt everything, all of it. She felt the pain and disbelief of her parents abandoning her, she felt the anger and frustration of fear nagging onto you. Why did no one want to understand?

 _Tak tak tak tak tak._ The harsh echoes of the knife rebounded in her mind. _Remember why you became a psychologist_. She wanted to help people like her. The ones who had to suffer every day just to live. She rubbed the tears away.

She was going to find the source of all emotion, the first thing a human being feels, and use it for the greater good. All those people in hospitals, prisons, they could finally feel safe again.

And maybe she could fix herself, too.

**Author's Note:**

> okay seriously if i see any of you call me an ab/se apologist **I WILL FUCKING** tell you politely that you can like and relate to a character and still acknowledge their actions without condoning them because I've been working on controlling my anger recently. so i'd _appreciate it_ if you took some time to think before you comment anything 😁


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